Our education struggles for our gifted little boy

Up until now, I've always kept names out of it. Up until now, I thought it was the right thing to do. Unfortunately, the "professionals" have absolutely no problem smearing my kindergartener's good name among the district. It's time they were held accountable for what they did. The school district that nearly destroyed my child is Redlands Unified School District in Southern California. The teacher that pitted the entire class against my son is Jennifer Haddock. She also may be the culprit that struck him on his final day, leaving a giant bruise on his face. I can't prove that, but it is what I suspect and what my son has told me. The principal who decided that he could best control the situation by not dealing with it was David Cisneros. He is also the principal that saw fit to punish my son by withholding his lunch. The supervisor in charge of elementary education for the district that sat in the first IST meeting nodding along while Jennifer Haddock described the emotional abuse she inflicted on my son is Sue Buster. The principal that originally lied to us, telling us first that we couldn't pull Paul out and then that they might hold him back (not mentioning that we'd have to agree) is Toni Marshburn. Toni Marshburn is also the individual who met our attempts at being part of a solution with the advice of "back off" and "don't talk to the teacher about discipline at all". The original teacher, who called my son a terrible child regularly and who used the threat (on all the students) of sending them back to preschool if they didn't behave was Judy Poelstra. These people are the shining example of what many consider a good school district. Huh!

What Poelstra and Marshburn did is certainly questionable, but not nearly as damaging as the others. I don't think the others have any business teaching children. Cisneros and Haddock especially seem to have no problem with child abuse. Would you want your kindergartener in their hands?

Thanks to the efforts of those last two, Paul has now been denied a new school. I have been determined to homeschool, but my husband was not convinced, until today. Paul can't have another intradistrict transfer because of what is in his record. Kingsbury already failed him, but now, the district won't offer us another school. In other words, they are denying him an education. Do we have legal recourse? There's grounds, but no money to pursue it.  Could you ever have imagined that a five-year-old could be black-balled? It has happened, thanks to these vindictive educators. What kind of education system treats any child this way? They should be ashamed, every one of them.

School has been tramatic for my child. He has been seeing a psychiatrist and he is forever scarred by his struggles with public education.  At five years old, he thinks of school as somethiing awful, and though my husband still sometimes wants to try again, I'm not sure I ever will. The test results from the assessment were so mindblowing that the district people my husband met with actually wanted to help. Trouble is we've already got the black list and at the end of June, no offer of a school yet. When he called to find out -- the woman in the office said that it was the orders of the last school that were delaying assignment.

As for me, I'm going to leave my beloved museum job, risk everything on music lessons and hope it will be enough to keep us afloat. I want to homeschool, and I want to do it right. I spent a lot of my time yesterday printing applications to differnt homeschool charters.  And I spent a lot of my sleeping time having nightmares. Part of homeschooling is the transfer of records. I know that as a parent, I have a right to see them. I know I should demand to see them in order to correct things. I've put it off because I know that crap that's probably in there will make me ache for my son, and so I have put it off. Now I'm afraid that crap will keep a charter from taking us on.

The last nightmare is always the most vivid and the one the got me out of bed was of records. Probably that sounds silly. I dreamed that when I went to pick them up, I was given a full file box for a child who was in public school for ten months. It was full of accusations, thoughts, and negative things that made me cry. For some reason, the principal had kept accidentally referring to my son as "David" in these nightmare records. Isn't it funny how your mind will invent something? I've been sort of analyzing that since. Why would my mind suggest such a thing? There have been some Davids in my life. David is the first name of my little brother, who was also a genius and yet so leadable that he got himself taken in by a cult and disappeared. I haven't heard a word from my brother for years. Sometimes I do think of him, dream of him, wonder about him. But I can't expend the time, energy and money on finding someone who doesn't want to be found. The best I can do is make sure I'm easy to find, and I have. When he's ready, I believe he will appear again. David is also the first name of the principal himself. I doubt very much that he would mistakenly assign his own first name to my son. In the dream, I was just annoyed as I read that, thinking how much it proved that the principal didn't really know the first thing about my son.  Although I dream in color and sometimes analyze even as I dream (both unusual I'm told) by dream thoughts often involve flawed logic that only make sense in the most limited way. I was thinking how much public schools seem to be like me in dreamland: they employ flawed logic, make decisions based on experiences that may not connect in any way with the present situation, and generally do stupid things for no obvious reason.  I do wish someone would wake up the public school system. It won't be me. I'm done with them, even if my husband isn't.

What purpose does suspension really serve in a school setting? I've thought about this a lot. For my five-year-old, it taught him that if he was miserable and wanted to go home, all he had to do was pitch the mother of all fits. Brilliant! For years, schools have used this method of "discipline" and maybe it worked when there was a social stigma associated with getting barred from school -- like in the 50s. But I doubt if it would work with the average kindergarten, let alone my son. But let's really look at the ages, shall we?

Kindergarten - Home is always more comfortable than school, unless the parents are abusive. Bottom line? Won't work.

First Grade - See above.

Second Grade - These kids are starting to cave to peer pressure. The concept of a "cool rebel" is already at play. Bottom Line? Won't work.

Third Grade - By this age, "cool rebel" is firmly established. A kid is likely to brag about being suspended. Bottom Line? Won't work.

Fourth Grade - See above

Fifth Grade - These kids are old enough to start having other neat places to go besides school and so, bottom line? Won't work

Sixth Grade - See above

Seventh Grade - They really have cool places to go and are likely to also brag about suspension? Bottom line? Won't work and may nudge them toward drop out the moment they can legally do it. Also might encourage imitation from their classmates.

Eighth Grade - See above

Ninth Grade - Suspend a kid in this age range and above and it's very likely you won't see them again.

Overall, this says that suspending a kid doesn't work. If home is abusive, the school may succeed in getting the kid beat to death, but it definitely won't solve anything then.

But worse, what are they suspending kids for these days? There were some items on the generic checklist form they sent my son home with -- items that seemed sort of valid to me, like particularly violent stuff. Though one could argue that within a certain age group, a violent offense seems like it needs a better end run solution than just sending them home. The reason that really got my goat though was "Ignoring valid authority". That's vague and ridiculous, and in my son's case, was the number one reason for his suspensions. In other words, he wasn't able to stop his tantrum when ordered to by his teacher. Uhhhh -- folks, a tantruming child usually CAN'T be argued with logically. Don't take my word for it. There are HUNDREDS -- maybe THOUSANDS -- of well-respected professionals who agree with me. Arguing with a tantruming child is a little like arguing with a charging rhinoceros; it can't solve the problem and might get someone hurt.

Besides the case of my son, ignoring valid authority would seem to be a natural part of a child's limit-testing. It also could be that the kid didn't even hear whatever order was ignored. Do you suppose that the hearing impaired could get suspended for ignoring if they aren't yet diagnosed? And a little bit of limit-testing could land your kid at home on suspension? Way to go education professionals! There's a life lesson for a kid in a rebellious stage: Don't want to be at school today, just ignore the teacher and Voila! suspended and home for however long. Talk about throwing the baby out with the bath water.

I know for a fact that schools have other options. My son's school never offered us the psychologist's help, but we found out on our own that they did, in fact, have one (despite denials) and an assessment was eventually begun after we demanded it in writing. The school should have offered that. If a child's behavior disrupts the entire class, then an evaluation should be done -- if not for the child's sake, then at least for the teacher's peace of mind (though I personally think that if there's anyone who should be in the business of advocating for children, it is a school system). There are also in-house suspensions, transfers, interventions and probably a half-dozen other ideas that I don't even know about. Schools worry about drop out rates. Every year, organizations and politicians rail about drop-out rates in American High Schools. The method of educational policy in America right now is actually titled No Child Left Behind (and it's a big joke, but we'll talk about that some other time) and yet this system of discipline does just that -- leaves children behind. Creating a situation where a child hates school from his first year in is definitely counterproductive. Not to mention, teaching my son that a tantrum could get him home with me was definitely counterproductive. We are still paying for it, even after we pulled him out in desperation. Worse, there is part of him that believes he's just "a bad kid" and the stress of that fact is eating him alive. Congratulations! RUSD, you scarred my child. Aren't you proud of yourselves?

Isn't it time public schools took a look at their policies and discarded the really dumb ones?

What does IEP stand for? Individual Education Program. If you do a google search on IEPs you can find all sorts of information, how to get one, how to fight it if you don't agree, even sites that break it down into a process, rather like instructions for the first time writer. I first encountered IEPs in a group home I worked at a few years back. Because the group home was full of behavior disorders and because those kids were all in the system, every one of them had an IEP, and we had to have their forms before we could get them enrolled in school. If the IEP was outdated, the house coordinator would schedule and attend a new IEP meeting. Because I knew about these things, I imagined that such a system existed for kids with special learning needs on the other end of the spectrum. I was very wrong.

In fact, I can tell you a little bit about behavior disorders from my time working at that group home. Though all those children went to school, hardly any of them actually learned anything. Most of the kids were around age ten, though we took kids 6-12 years of age. Most of them couldn't read and most of them had learning disabilities so severe that you would expect them to be behind. But what was worse was that the school most of them attended -- a special one for behavioral problems -- didn't even try. They spent most of their school days in behavioral counselling rather than actually being taught anything. This was one more reason that all the suggestions that my son might have a behavioral disorder alarmed me so. I didn't want that future for him.

I read up on learning disabilities because the library had very little the other direction. I had thought  that navigating the system for one might be similar to navigating the system for the other. That turns out to be wrong too. In fact, my suggestions that Paul might need an IEP were met with funny looks. The Assistant Superintendant actually told told me that IEPs were for learning disabilities only and that, since my son was able to keep up with his class and even excell, he probably wouldn't qualify for an IEP. Basically there has to be a lower end disparity between what he's expected to be able to learn at his age and what his cognitive level is.  The funny thing is that they did schedule an IEP after we finally convinced them to do an assessment. Apparently the pyschologist explains her findings in an IEP meeting.

By its name, an IEP ought to be what you use to get the public school system to lay out an individualized program.  Also, learning disabilities ought to be redefined. I cannot help but wonder what a twice exception child's family does. Just in case you're new to gifted speak, you'll see 2e in a lot of gifted posts and that is twice exceptional, or a child who is both gifted and learning disabled.  By this explanation, my brother is a 2e. He is brilliant and always was. He is also dyslexic and managed to make it all the way to 7th grade before someone noticed he couldn't read properly.  In the case of my brother, it wasn't that the schools weren't paying attention. It boils down to the fact that his brilliant mind compensated for his struggles -- he'd memorize things the teacher said rather than reading materials. Consider for a moment that a child like that has a disability that is holding back their potential, but still leaves them in line with the state average that has determined where they should be. Will an IEP be denied?

This is part of the madness of the public school system. A child's potential really ought to be determined based on them. If a child has the skills to excell, every opportunity ought to be provided to allow that progression. AND, (my soapbox) individualized education ought to be provided within reason to EVERY child. I recognize the current system has a single teacher and 20 kids in a kindergarten classroom and I sympathize with teachers that say, "How can I possibly give individual attention to everyone?" Of course, that can't happen. And yet, would it have been so hard to offer my son books that didn't bore him to tears? When I went to the school to ask for harder books, I was willing to make it as painless as possible. If  the teacher had told me to get every book on a certain list from the library, I'd have done it. And think how much less disruption she'd have faced in her class overall? Instead I was greeted with paranoia.

If you're still navigating the public school system, demand the assessment (see the post on assessments for directions). Then when you meet the psychologist, tell him or her everything and explain why you believe that your child deserves an IEP that actually helps him reach his potential. If you get the school to cooperate, crow about it on the net so that the next parent can say, "At this school, they provided an IEP for a gifted child." We're looking for a precident to help all gifted kids, and creating it is only as difficult as creating a fad. Afterall, most people don't like to think they're less than anyone else and that includes school principals.

Try to imagine that you're a painter, able to use your brushes like an extension of your arm. Even the most minute details find their way onto your canvas and it is the miniscule that you really excell at. But then someone locks you in a room with an easel, tells you this will help you to grow as an artist, and hands you a box of fingerpaints...

Or imagine you are a forensic anthropologist whose career has been outstanding. Bones say to you what a crime scene can tell a policeman. You're now directed to a lab where awaits an unidentified body, and you are expected to find an answer, but when you look at the equipment provided you're stunned. In the place of a microscope you have a magnifying glass. There are no real hemastats, scalpels or graphing tools -- just a notebook and a pencil. Forget access to an x-ray machine...

Or you're a college student whose just paid an arm and leg for classes and when you show up for the creative writing course you've been so looking forward to, you find that you're studying how to form a basic sentence...

If you've put yourself into each scenario, you begin to see what an ordinary class is like for a gifted child. The initial excitement was dulled when they immediately discovered that they knew everything needed for the entire year, but at first maybe they showed off to the other students -- that was entertaining for a while. See what I can already do? The teacher wasn't fond of this behavior because it was disruptive and if not curtailed immediately, a precident was set. And then the gifted student faced day after day of the same boring thing -- being so far beyond this level of work, our hypothetical gifted child began to worry there wouldn't ever be anything worth their attention. Excitement gave way to dread...

To me this doesn't sound so hypothetical, it describes my son. Often gifted kids check out mentally and sometimes they act out. At least watching the teacher try to cope is mildly interesting.

Prolonged frustration is terrible in adults. If you hate your job -- really hate it -- you might even develop signs of depression or illness. If that's true in an adult, imagine a child without the coping skills time provides -- what can severe frustration do to them?

Educators should really look at this. Schools have, over time, found ways to handle the other end. Special education has a lot to offer these days -- far more than it did when I was kid. But no one is looking at the really gifted kids, at least not in California Public Schools. Some gifted kids find a way to cope. Also there are levels of giftedness. For those children on the top end of the learning curve, who's watching out for their needs?

In public education, I'm not sure anyone is. If my son had a diagnosed learning disabilty, the state would have to help him. The school gets extra money for those kids, so they're motivated to help. But if there's no identifiable learning disability, then a child like mine is just a behavior problem. Meanwhile the kid is being sent signals that say the exact opposite of what we want a bright child to see. Instead of being excited about learning, they come to associate it with boredom. Instead of wanting to show their abilities, they start trying to hide them to fit in or to stay out of the path of the teacher. Instead of trusting a school to provide them new fodder to excite their brains, they come to distrust school as the place where individuality dies.

Surely that isn't in the brochure when someone goes to college to teach. Why would anyone who spent years and ungodly amounts of money to earn a teaching degree want to be part of that? Welcome to our school, Ms. Jones. Today you will be oppressing individuality, destroying creativity and torturing young, promising minds. Ready to get started? The real teachers in this world ought to find the mere thought revolting.

If I'd known at the beginning of Paul's Kindergarten year what I know now, I'd realized it was simple. I have posted it here because I want other searching parents to find the answer.

The trick is to ask in writing.

No matter what your school officials say or how they try to dodge inquiries. All public schools have access to a school counsellor of some sort and usually they are a psychologist. That person may not be available to offer counselling sessions to your child, and that is the justification you'll get when you eventually catch the school in such a lie. "Oh, when you asked about a school counsellor, I thought you wanted your child to have someone to talk to..."

In as polite a manner as you can, write a letter requesting to have your child assessed for learning disabilities or giftedness, whatever it is you need. In our case we wanted everything. Beyond all else, we wanted confirmation or the ruling out of certain problems. If your child, like ours, is just in Kindergarten, they may balk a bit -- G.A.T.E. programs usually start at third grade, but the fact is, if the child has something that is affecting their learning, the school can't really refuse.

The best way to get results also are to copy the letter to the district. You can send an email to everyone and merely send the physical letter to the principal for expedience sake, but please note that you must have that physical letter somewhere because your signature triggers the assistance. Also, the psychiatrist that finally let us in on this secret told us to add the words, "Please let us know within 30 days when you plan to assess our child, and if you will not assess him, please notify us of the reason why within that timeframe." This stroke of brilliance which I must attribute to Dr. Meyer of Redlands was what got them to hurry.